Archive for the ‘Glory Days’ Category

The Mad Hatter

08.15.09

Michelle and I had this neighbor and he was always high – always! I can’t remember ever seeing him with his eyes fully open. But, aside from his “partaking”, he was a really nice guy (aren’t they all?). And he didn’t have a car, so we drove him now and then. It was better that he didn’t drive, believe me.

Michelle can fill in the blanks, but one night Aaron had hit the Jaegermeisters. He was running through the parking lot like a wild person and he had this 16 year old kid with him who thought he was going to “tame” his drunk friend. That part was comical. Well, somehow he gets us to drive him to Sherry’s restaurant – open 24 hours. We’re hungry and could use a laugh so we take the bait.

Oh, let me mention first that Aaron is wearing a big cat-in-the-hat style top hat. Why? No idea. So, we’re seated at Sherry’s. Michelle, me, Aaron, 16 yr old kid and some other guy. We’re in a booth by the kitchen. Aaron is giving the waitress a hard time, but she’s still got a smile on her face so we’re in the clear.

As soon as the waitress leaves he gets on the floor, legs crossed, and starts singing. 16-yr old kid is trying to calmly talk him down, which only makes things worse. Aaron then jumps up, runs into the kitchen, and swipes a bunch of bananas and a can of spray whipped cream.

Michelle and I are straight-laced, and I don’t know about her but I’m in a panic thinking we’re going to go to jail or something. Aaron is shoving bananas in his mouth and squirting the whipped cream between bites (all the while with the top hat on).

I have no idea how he eluded the vision of everyone else in the restaurant, but I was glad to get out of there. It gave us a good laugh, and reminded me why I didn’t drink.

A Brow Beating

08.15.09

In high school my friend Michelle was always trusting me, I don’t know why. We (okay, probably me) decided that she needed her eyebrows plucked, and I offered to do it for her. Well, after the first couple of plucks she totally wimped out, she said it hurt too much. So I had a brilliant idea! I got out the Nair (probably in our drawer for 10 years) and carefully applied it to her extra eyebrow hairs, disregarding all warnings on the bottle to keep it away from your eyes.

As we were waiting the designated amount of time, she started complaining that her eyebrows were burning. Now, considering she was wimpy about pulling a couple hairs out, I said “Stick your head out the window you big baby!” I thought the cold winter air would help. (I know…dumb!)

So when the timer went off, we wiped off Michelle’s unwanted hair, as well as some not-so-unwanted eyebrow skin. Oops!

As if high school isn’t intimidating enough, poor Michelle walked around the next week with scabs under her eyebrows, courtesy of yours truly. Though I will say she did do a fairly decent camoflauge job with the blue eyeshadow.

Poor Michelle. No wonder I hardly have any friends!!