16 May 2006

I’m in the kitchen and I call out to Emily (4 1/2) “Em, I have a treat for you!”

She’s excited, she comes in and I hand her a bowl of strawberries, blueberries & whipped cream. Yummy!!

Well, she looks at me like I’m a total idiot and says, “Uh, mom, I’m not really impressed.”

Gave me a good laugh – she was dead serious too, and when I started laughing she was quite frustrated with me.

Jul 14 2007

Last night Joe & Emily were taking a bath. Em was washing her “parts” and she looks at me and says:

“That is the meaning of life. Mommies washing pee pees and wee wees.”

LOL – if only it were that simple! Though I’m glad it’s NOT!

That’s a rhetorical question.

These are the things I think about…things that drive me nuts.  If you have insomnia, don’t read any further because this is the type of stuff that keeps me from sleeping.

1. As I lay down at night with my eyes closed, I start to think about how tired my eyelids are.  No matter what I do with them, open…close….they’re still so tired.  I can relax them.  Why can’t I relax my eyelids?!  THIS has kept me awake more than I can tell you.

2. Looking in the mirror yesterday and I realize that I will NEVER see myself.  I mean, I can look into a mirror or at a picture, but I will never see my own face with my own eyes.  That really bothers me.  I know there are other parts of me I’ll never see, and I really don’t want to see them…like inside my ear or…well…you know.  But your face is your billboard to the world.  I think I should be able to see it.

You know on Finding Nemo, when Marlin first meets Dorie?  He realizes she has a problem and says, “Something is wrong with you.” it a very matter-of-fact yet unbelieving way.

I say that all the time, but THAT is the voice I hear in my head, and it makes me laugh.  “Amber, something is wrong with you.”  But really, I’m not endangering anyone/thing, so I just continue to fascinate myself with this nonsense.

So, is it just me, or do you all think about useless stuff until it comes completely bothersome?  Or…am I just crazy??

Jan 1 2004

As I get older I notice more and more that a little lightbulb lights up over my head, because all at once something clicks…and I think, “Ahhh, NOW I understand!!”  Mostly it’s in regards to womanhood and motherhood..yadda yadda yadda.  You know what I mean.

So I thought to myself, wouldn’t it be fun to have an ongoing thread (likely more successful than my variations on Mac & Cheese) about those little “Aha” moments? Well, yes Amber, it WOULD be fun.  Even if I’m the only one posting because, well, I’m funny and I don’t mind reading and rereading my goings-on just for a good laugh now and then.  Someone has to entertain me after all, why not myself?

Okay, back to the matter at hand…this is my FIRST “Aha” moment:

Now I understand why my Mom wore the type of bra that cups the ENTIRE breast instead of a push-up bra. (Sorry Mom, now everyone’s got a visual…but it’s for the sake of laughter, so don’t be mad.)

Recently, due to early-mid-life-crisis, I purchased a Wonder Bra.  You know the one, it grabs the little melons and lifts them ever so gently to the middle of your chest, creating the illusion of “perk”.  I guess for some it creates the illusion of size, but my whole goal was perk.  I’m tired of these things smacking me in the belly!

So I’m wearing it, feeling like “this a great bra,” UNTIL I lean over.  Now, for those of you who breastfeed or have in the past, you know what happens to the girls post-nursing.  The get long and floppy.  I leaned over and, I kid you not, my boobs literally poured out of my bra like a bowl of beans!  I had to MANUALLY stuff them back in.  MORTIFYING!!!

That’s when I went, “Ahhh!  Now I understand why my mom wore the all-encompassing, bridle-the-beasts, give the illusion of shape, flesh taming apparatus!!”

Now I guess it’s my turn….<sigh>

AND, on that note, I noticed that in Avon’s campaign 20 they’re selling awesome bras for more than $10 off the regular price.  Amee is our resident Avon rep if you need anything.

Did you know that the majority of women are wearing a bra that doesn’t fit them properly?  Use this quick & easy calculator to determine your proper bra size:

http://www.leadinglady.com/fitting_room/

Nov 19 2005
Feline Acquisition

I don’t like cats, I’m a dog person. And I really don’t even like dogs…or that is to say, I don’t want a dog. Too much work. I just don’t need any more responsibility. I’m not one of those people that doesn’t like cats simply to be a hard*ss. I don’t like the hair all over the place, the clawing…that stuff. If they’re outdoor cats or someone else’s cats, no big deal. They’re graceful, funny, smart little animals. I respect that. I guess it’s not that I don’t like them, it’s that I don’t like them in my house. Anyway…

We moved into this new house and just the other day, as I was leaving to have lunch with my friend Lea, I see a little kitty meowing really loud over at the neighbors under their hedges. I assumed it was their cat and we left. During the day there were siders there finishing up the entryway of the house, and apparently they didn’t know about or see this cat, because when I came home and opened the garage, it came darting in. Meow…meow…meow.

This cat is cute, it has big green eyes, it’s only about 1/2 grown, I don’t know if it’s a boy or girl, it’s black & white and has long fluffy hair. It purrs at the sight of a human, which makes it even cuter. So now I feel sorry for it because it’s really cold outside, and yes s/he has fur, but even with a fur coat on, I wouldn’t want to sleep out there in the elements. So I give it some warm milk (I know you’re not supposed to, but it liked it!) and a can of tuna. All I had was white albacore in water, so that cat was livin’ it up that night. I made a little box with a hole in the top and put in my Ikea duvet cover to make it soft. I’m thinking it probably won’t sleep in it because it’ll just go home.

The next morning I open the door to see if the cat is still there, and out it pops from my Ikea lined box. Meow…meow…meow. Emily keeps asking if we can keep it, and I keep telling her no, it’s not our cat, someone is missing it, etc. etc. That was three days ago. So my husband asked the neighbors if it was their cat. Nope, they have no idea. Fine, I give it more tuna and a bowl of water. It’ll go home the next day, I’m sure of it.

Next day…meow, meow, meow. We have some workers outside laying asphault, so I figure they’ll just scare the cat away. When the men come to the door and I keep pushing the cat out with my foot, they give me a funny look. I say, “It’s not my cat.” They look at the box and bowls and just say, “Oh…okay.” When I check at lunchtime the cat is gone, so I bring the bowls and box into the garage. I leave to go to my parents house, and while I’m gone hubby comes home, opens the garage door, then leaves again. I come home, open the garage….meow, meow, meow.

Well, white albacore in water is really expensive, so I decide now that if I have to babysit this cat…who Emily named “Charlie” that morning…that it can’t keep eating expensive tuna, so I go get it some Purina Cat Chow. I don’t get the cheap stuff because I know Laura will flip out, so I get the good stuff…at least the good stuff as far as the grocery store is concerned. And I get a small bag because after all, it’s not my cat. I pick up a few cans of soft food too, because it’s cold outside and I can warm it up and mix it with the dry stuff. Charlie will like that, it will keep him/her warm.

I also ask Luke to use the extra plywood and siding to make Charlie a little house outside to stay safe & warm. When the owners finally show up, they’ll be surprised at the little house that Charlie’s daddy made for him/her.