May 26, 2006

You all know how I love the Curious George soundtrack. It brings out my inner-hippie. I start singing “reduce, reuse, recycle” and the like. I understand why people go barefoot, put a stop the whole make-up rigmarole, dance in the rain, use a lot of lanolin…you know?

Life has become so cluttered with, well, stuff. Stuff to buy, stuff to eat, stuff to listen too. In fact, TOO much stuff to listen to.

When was the last time you heard quiet? I mean absolute quiet. Not the hum of the air conditioner, not the refrigerator kicking on, not traffic outside. Absolute quiet, with the exception of crickets or wind or bumble bees.

And suppose you do find quiet. What then? Enter worry. Enter stress.

It’s possible that our parents knew simplicity, but I don’t think we have. Maybe I should speak for myself, because I do know of a few people who’s parents were children of the flowers and raised them in the wilderness. Power to them, I say.

But to know true simplicity is something that I fear I’ll never know, and in turn, my children will never know. It’s sad really.

You know how when you get a new CD and you start listening to the songs on it that you’re not familiar with – you just listen over and over to hear that “one track” that made you buy it in the first place, but after awhile you love the whole thing. Then you’re somehow introduced to a person inside you that you never knew was there – the music brings them out. That’s what happens to me at least. And my Curious George soundtrack brings out my inner hippie. I want simplicity, I want quiet, I want peace, I want to…well…reduce, reuse and recycle…all from this simple little piece of plastic.

Here are the lyrics to one of the songs that just encompasses what I’m talking about. Talk of the Town, Jack Johnson:
I want to be where the talk of the town
Is about last night when the sun went down
And the trees all dance
And the warm wind blows in that same old sound
And the water below gives a gift to the sky
And the clouds give back every time they cry
And make the grass grow green beneath my toes
And if the sun comes out
I’ll paint a picture all about
The colors I’ve been dreaming of
The hours just don’t seem enough
To put it all together
Maybe it’s as strange as it seems
And the trouble I find is that the trouble finds me
It’s a part of my mind it begins with a dream
And a feeling I get when I look and I see
That this world is a puzzle, I’ll find all of the pieces
And put it all together, and then I’ll rearrange it
I’ll follow it forever
Always be as strange as it seems
Nobody ever told me not to try
And the water below gives a gift to the sky
And the clouds give back every time they cry
And make the grass grow green beneath my toes
And if the sun comes out
I’m going to paint a picture all about
The colors I’ve been dreaming of
The hours just don’t seem enough
To put it all together
Always be as strange as it seems

We all have a junk drawer.  When we’re cleaning we find those continuous odds-n-ends that don’t really have a “place to be” so we toss them in the junk drawer with the “I’ll get to it later” mentality.

And what happens when your drawer gets so full that you can’t shut it?  Well, for one, you can’t shut it!  It’s overwhelmed. Not to mention the bits and pieces that fall out the back into nowhere land.

How often do you clean your junk drawer?  I do it about two times per year, but it never ceases to amaze me how that clean drawer turns into a menagerie of things that need their own space..or things that have a space but are too lazy to get there.

I use the parable of the junk drawer to explain where I’ve been lately. My brain.  My poor little shriveled and tired brain.

Mine is the type of brain that is constantly running, the gears are always turning and churning.  Ideas are popping out left and right, and it’s all I can do to just catch them and throw them into my drawer.  They go into the drawer because I don’t have the time or energy to deal with them now.

Soo….I have been overwhelming my brain with ideas, with committments, with deadlines and all that other business.  It’s been running non-stop, and now it’s jammed.  It won’t close and nothing else will fit in.  I’m basically trying to sort through everything I’ve thrown in there, and when I clean my junk drawer I do it right.  A place for everything and everything in it’s place.  It’s exhausting.

That’s where I’ve been.

Again, this forum is called Thinking Out Loud and I appreciate your visit.

Signing off–

Amber

That’s a rhetorical question.

These are the things I think about…things that drive me nuts.  If you have insomnia, don’t read any further because this is the type of stuff that keeps me from sleeping.

1. As I lay down at night with my eyes closed, I start to think about how tired my eyelids are.  No matter what I do with them, open…close….they’re still so tired.  I can relax them.  Why can’t I relax my eyelids?!  THIS has kept me awake more than I can tell you.

2. Looking in the mirror yesterday and I realize that I will NEVER see myself.  I mean, I can look into a mirror or at a picture, but I will never see my own face with my own eyes.  That really bothers me.  I know there are other parts of me I’ll never see, and I really don’t want to see them…like inside my ear or…well…you know.  But your face is your billboard to the world.  I think I should be able to see it.

You know on Finding Nemo, when Marlin first meets Dorie?  He realizes she has a problem and says, “Something is wrong with you.” it a very matter-of-fact yet unbelieving way.

I say that all the time, but THAT is the voice I hear in my head, and it makes me laugh.  “Amber, something is wrong with you.”  But really, I’m not endangering anyone/thing, so I just continue to fascinate myself with this nonsense.

So, is it just me, or do you all think about useless stuff until it comes completely bothersome?  Or…am I just crazy??

May 5 2005

My husband and I started dating just after his grandfather had died, so I never had a chance to meet him.  From the sounds of it, I would have really liked him.  He was funny, a little obnoxious, outspoken, kind and drove Luke’s grandma, Emily, crazy with his habits.  The habit I’ve heard most about is how he would, every morning, sit in his recliner and read the paper.  When he was done with each section he would just toss it on the floor, and by the time he was done, his chair would be encircled in newspaper. Emily (grandma) would often recount this habit of his, and while she still grumbled about it, I knew that there was a big part of her that would give anything to pick those papers up just one more time.  She missed her husband.

My subject of choice is habits. Good habits, bad habits.  Despite what the old adage says, “Practice Makes Perfect,” it’s not true.  Practice creates habit.

Think of one thing your spouse does that drives you nuts. Mine leaves his underwear on the bathroom floor daily.  It drives me crazy, and of course I’m not going to just leave them there.  I don’t want guests to see his undies scattered around, gross!  I have asked him to please put his “panties” in the dirty clothes!

How many times have you tried to change your spouses behavior?  Successfully?  Yeah, that’s what I thought. Well, as my beloved Dr. Laura says, if you can’t change the situation then you must change the way you react to the situation.  I cannot force him to pick up his underwear, so either I ignore them or I pick them up–and yes, I do occasionally mention it, but to no avail.

Okay, now think of something that you do that drives your spouse nuts. That’s an easy one for me.  I leave the kitchen cupboard doors open.  I’ve done it for years.  Michelle can attest to this from our roommate experience.  She would come home, walk through the kitchen and SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM! SLAM!…close all of the cupboards.

How many times has your spouse tried to change your behavior?  Well, are you still doing this annoying thing? Something that is very important to realize is that if you want to change your behavior, that means you’re aware of it.  If you’re aware of it, stop wasting time trying to figure out why you do it. It doesn’t matter.

Now to the real point of my post here. I’m giving you an assignment. You have a habit that irritates other people (or even you), and you know what it is.  Now, I’m not talking about your lisp or the way you bite your lip when you’re nervous.  If that bothers other people, then they’re just plain mean.  I’m talking about the habits that make life harder for other people, such as me leaving cupboards open, leaving your curling iron on, being chronically late.  You get the picture.  Now, get out your calendar and gold stars or a pen, and make a conscious effort for the next 27 days straight.  Take it one day at a time, each day is its own accomplishment.  When you’ve conquered ONE day, put a star on your calendar.  Nobody has to know because you’re doing it for yourself.

Okay, so you’re taking care of your “issue,” what about hubby?  What about his underwear or toenail clippings?  Well, I’m not blameless in this aspect, but leave him alone as best you can.  I have a little story and I think it will illustrate my point perfectly:

A few years back I was in church and some of the women in the room started making little jokes about their husbands’ irritating little habits.  The topic quickly turned to leaving the toilet seat up, and while it was lighthearted joking, many  women joined in and mentioned how they’d sat on the freezing cold rim in the middle of the night, and some even fell straight into the water.  Then a little voice came from the back, from a petite elderly woman, and she said, “What I wouldn’t give to see that toilet seat up again.”  The room of women fell silent, and it was obvious that each and every woman there was contemplating the words of a wise widow.

Yes, the topic was toilet seats. It may seem a little silly, but from that moment on I didn’t once complain about the toilet seat being left up (until we had kids, of course!).

So this is your mission should you choose to accept it.

Nov 16 2005

My daughter will be 4 next month, my son just turned 1. Before I had children I thought that a child’s personality was taught to him by his parents. While that may be true to some extent, because everyone is conditioned by their living circumstances, I now know that people are born with their personalities. We, as parents, can shape and mold, but we don’t determine what medium we’ll be working with. This is God’s job…and what an intricate process it must be!

In my case, my Emily is a very easy child. She’s sweet, considerate, smart, funny, independent, amazing. My husband and I take some credit for her wonderfulness, but we also know that we were entrusted with this unbelievable child for a reason. Our son is still young, but he’s a bit different. He’s cuddly, smart, funny, strong willed, stubborn and a mama’s boy. My kids have the same parents raising them, the same living circumstances, and yes, like most parents we tailor our parenting to fit the child, but for the most part, it’s the same. Same mom, same dad, same values, same expectations. Yet these children are so very different.

I know that this isn’t some breakthrough realization making everyone reconsider everything they’ve ever known. I mean, I look at my own sister. We do share a lot of things such as our off-beat senses of humor, our creativity, our weird obsessive-compulsive ticks, our love of gadgets…but we’re so very different. Amee is outgoing and very social, I’m an introvert. Amee is willing to take on a lot of projects, tasks, responsibilities at the same time. I am not. You get the picture.

Laura and I were chatting last night about this subject. She was talking about her Emma and wondered why God gave her such a strong willed child. I mean, He knows her, he knows her strengths, weaknesses, limits. He knows that entrusting Emma to her is a constant struggle, a test of wills. Appropriate parenting is difficult. When your child is strong willed, it’s simply exhausting.

I don’t believe I have some “in” with God in which he shares the utmost mysteries of the universe with me. So I’m not pretending to know beyond a shadow of a doubt the ins & outs of this crazy place. But I have opinions, and that’s what this forum is about…right?

Look at your spouse. I don’t mean eye to eye, I mean just consider his personality. They say opposites attract. I am an introvert, my husband can strike up a conversation with anyone. My husband knows about military aircraft, the details of every war in history, how to sell ice to a penguin and has great taste in decor. I know about computers, I’m good at math, I can wire a car stereo and I have a knack for understanding many points of view. We compliment each other.

Okay, great, so what?! Well, I know that God intended marriage to be this way. Two people come together to create one entity. A marriage. I also believe that the same is true with children. Every marriage is still incomplete in some form, and if the marriage is healthy, a child can fill the empty space. With the addition of each child, you may notice there were empty spaces you didn’t even know you had. Children are teachers by design, and what’s even better is that they love us no matter what.

I guess my point is this: if you’re wondering what Laura was wondering…why were these children entrusted to me?…then maybe consider your marriage and your family, and what empty space that child has filled for you. It’s all about balance.

That’s all…